I was leaving from Romania. We were to meet our friends in Pakistan and then travel on to Saudi Arabia with the tour that had made the travel and lodging arrangements for us on Hajj. I had blindly followed the plans made by our friends, trusting their judgment. I had known that year that we were going – how? I cannot say but my heart knew. I was ready for it. My husband was not and I did not want to force him into going till the consent came from him. He needed to confirm bookings and then came a day that he could stall no longer. He knew of my desire but he also knew that he had to agree himself. I did not want to take on a challenging venture with a reluctant traveler.
I had always wanted to do Hajj in the best possible fashion, in terms of comfort and facilities. I had asked Allah for that and though I got what I wanted it was not as I expected. I was soon to learn lessons of Tawakul. When we left Lahore to go to Karachi on our way to Saudi Arabia, we were accompanied by a group of pilgrims that are famously rich. Fashionably attired, they left with all the fanfare of a great sending off - the garlands, photographs, the farewell embraces, while we had none of it. They were with us in the aircraft bound to Jeddah the next day, part of the same travel plan. This time, like us dressed in Ahram. Their women carried the dark colored abayas with such grace.
Though we traveled together many times over the next two weeks, we did not stay together and except for a few, no one made an effort to get to know each other. I thought then it was strange. They simply kept within themselves. They had paid for luxuries that I had wanted. However, as the purpose of this entire experience dawned on me, I realized that I would have missed out on the meaning of Hajj, if I had purchased the exclusivity of the package that they had. And thus any regret turned to Shukar.
Hajj with its certain rituals seemed to inject doses of Taqwa that gave the urge to shower husn-e- khulaq all around. This communal sense of being the Muslim Ummah was one of the main purposes of Hajj. All boundaries wither away as one becomes focused. I felt it when a couple was doing Tawaf next to us and my husband asked me to help guide the lady through the crowd. It did not matter who she was, I can’t even remember her face, it was enough that we were Muslims. Later, when standing on the roof of Haram, I peered down to observe the pilgrims. No distinction marked them. No arrogance of rank or wealth. All bonded by the purpose of their creation, humility to the ONE God.
Like moths going round and round the Kaaba, the symbol of the One Allah. Like a lover that craves only his beloved. His passion so great, he is unable to mind any thing else. Dressed in two pieces of unstitched cloth, his unkept appearance is of no consequence, his comfort and food not a concern. He only desires a glimpse, a word, a moment of intimacy. Oblivious to his own self, he seeks only the countenance and favour of his Rab. Men must not cover their heads since that marks honor and distinction and that is only for Allah. The grace of Kaaba is in its covering. The black raiment is shared by many Muslim women though others prefer white or colored. I wore an abayah for any length of time during Hajj and it was the most cherished feeling of comfort and security.
I cannot generalize or speak for everyone, for I am convinced that though it is a congregational abadat, Hajj is a unique and relative journey of self discovery for every pilgrim. We all go through the same rituals but the journey poised challenges for each of us that were pertinent to our own realm of experiences, personalities and thinking. I may be doing what all the others are doing but perceive the whole in a totally different manner, learn a lesson or a fact, unravel a mystery or decipher an interpretation that is unique to me. Sometimes I am unable to share it with others and I treasured these moments of intimacy with Allah. We were four ladies in our sub- group and each felt and reacted differently to the situation and experiences. What was easy for me was not as easy for another and visa versa. It showed me yet another interpretation of God's plenty. We all had our own challenges and yet we were sisters joined by our common devotion to Allah. We had all contributed in one way or another to our spiritual growth and this journey was a culmination of that support. Goodness has a ripple effect as a dear aunt says. There were those who reached out naturally to bind with others. They were those who wanted to single mindedly focus on their prayers. The intentions in each case were honest and pure, only the ways were different and I learnt to understand. Therefore, if there was confusion or a difference of opinion, I simply agreed to that which made sense. In Mina, there was a difference of opinion on the direction of Qibla. One lot said prayers in one direction and the others deviated slightly. It bothered me that we were not praying in the same direction but later I found out that our deen gives us this wust( leverage). And this is its husn. If we let go of this then we surge to extremes. The intention is, however, most important.
This is where I realized the wisdom of the koranic verse, “And take a provision for the journey, but the best provision is At Taqwa. So fear me, o men of understanding!” Surat Al-Baqarah, verse 197. I had been worried that I was ill prepared for Hajj, not having read much before leaving. Whenever the thought perturbed me this verse rang in my mind and I would feel consoled. This is the key to a satisfying Hajj. At every step of the journey if one was to maintain a high level of consciousness of our Lord, this awareness of his all seeing and all knowing presence beside us, and the fear of displeasing the One and Only is the basic requisite of Hajj. The rest follows naturally. This does not undermine the importance of making sure one is equipped with necessities – the many pilgrims who arrive hoping to beg off people is highly undesirable from all point of views.
Some one had suggested to me to take all old clothes which could be discarded since new would be ruined and it was highly undesirable to hang wet clothes in rooms. To dress in rags for Allah, who is AL Raziq, does not make sense to me. We found the launderettes very convenient, cheap and quick. On the other extreme, I saw huge suit cases, one was being pulled with a rope. The actual Hajj was to teach us a very different experience. Quantity and quality go hand in hand.
I believe Haj is a journey of passion, but passion tempered by Taqwa, Sabr and Ahsan. These virtues constitute the essential training of Hajj. Abadat is the practical use of these tools in day to day matters. The journey to and from Haj can take months for many pilgrims and it is enough time to inculcate a new behavior. This is why it is connected to the idea of re-birth. These terms to me embody the whole essence of Hajj –e - Mabroor and also the key to success in the world. The fulfillment of the one dua that we all recite during Tawaf – “ Our lord! Give us in this world that which is good and in the hereafter that which is good, and save us from the torment of Fire!” Surah Baqarah, verse 201… This is the balanced vision of our way of life.
As we drove to Mecca, reciting the Talbiah,” Allah I am present’’, I felt a stirring within me. Most of us joined in but some felt hesitant to show their fervor and did not say it aloud. I later found out that this inability can be deciphered as a sign of hypocrisy.
I imagined all those people who left their homes, like the Chinese pilgrims that stopped in Pakistan with their silk wares, selling to pay for their journey. What was the passion that made them undertake this long and arduous journey? “ And proclaim to mankind the Hajj. They will come to you on every lean camel, they will come from every deep and distant mountain highway.” Surat Hajj, verse 27. One cannot explain the lure of Kaaba. I remember arguing with my father the first time I went For Umrah when he told me of his chance encounter on a previous occasion with a very pious man who had never left Mecca for home again. I thought it was ridiculous to act so passionately but once there I understood. The absolute serenity and contentment that fills you leaves all arguments hollow. When I returned from my Hajj to Romania, my expatriate friends, many who did not know where I had come from, commented on the fact that my vacation had done me a lot of good. I felt renewed and complete. As Allah Subhan –u- talha says, only in his remembrance is there contentment of heart.
I had always wondered why Hajj was one of the foremost pillars of Islam, though incumbent only on those who could afford it. Why was it so important? It all finally began to make sense. Just like when I had read the Koran in detail, everything had begun to connect into a string of smooth understanding. So did the reason of all the rituals began to make sense. The understanding bought with it unexpected pleasure that naturally follows clarity.
On our way to Mecca, we had not bothered to keep food with us, expecting to find it easily. We were hungry. I suddenly remembered the packet of goodies that I had reluctantly put in the hand luggage on my sister in laws insistence. The whole coaster gradually fed from it. The only things that were left were stock sachets. These nursed my husband in his cold the next day. It was consumed with as much gratitude as the sincerity it had come with. One of the travelers held up his hands to offer a special prayer for the one who had sent them. Lot of people had contributed in one way or the other for our journey. The gifts were given with sincerity and I am sure they were accepted. For me in particular, a dear friend, who became like a sister, I have never known, had gone beyond limit. The only way I could repay her is by including her in every prayer that I say for myself for as long as I live.
We were all tired. None had slept well in the preceding few nights. I and another member of our group, who was little known to me, were not clean. The precautions had not worked. It was beyond the doctor and my control. We can do what we may but the will of the Almighty only prevails for he knows best. I later realized the hikmah. That night on settling down, the rest except me, my friend and my husband took off for Umrah. My husband did not go since he thought it was unnecessary to tire one self. He performed his Umrah with a Tunisian group after Salat Fajr the next morning. He found exactly what he wanted. On leaving Romania, a friend had given us one solitary piece of advice, “Don’t act like Mr Afzaal(Superior)” When asked what it meant, he had said to take everything in its stride. This is what made our Hajj so unique and so easy.
I had been exhausted when I reached Mecca. I had left home a month before and not known any rest. In my present state, the rigors of Hajj would have been impossible. In giving me this break, my Rub actually relieved me. I rested and as the day of the Hajj dawned, I was fit to take on any challenge. Besides had I been clean, my companion would have been alone and visa versa. We bonded. This experience enhanced my tawakul. Science and tadbir were insufficient. The knowledge brought with it serenity. A day before our departure to Mina, we took the cleansing bath, both of us, and went to perform Umrah. By this time everyone in the group had prayed for us and we began Hajj with Istakhfar and Shukar. Turning obstacles into positive direction – this is active Sabar. We came out richer from a seeming miscalculation.
Also my husband who is pained by an over display of emotion was most solicitous. He let me be when we went again at night. I sat before Kaaba for a long period of time, asking for guidance and forgiveness. Ironically, I made lists of prayers in my mind but once there it was only the torment of fire and His wrath that caused me worry. It was here that I unburdened the amanat of all who had asked for me to pray for them, in particular, my niece. Her written prayer for me to read were so mature for her age and when she asked for herself, they were related to the hereafter and when for others she could not ask enough. I prayed so much for her, especially her. It was not a coincidence. When the news came of her illness a month after the Haj, I knew that she would be Okay.
As we were departing for Mina, a call from home informed me that my son was not well. I wept at my helplessness. Suddenly, a voice spoke from behind me. It was a lady on crutches, “Look at me, she said. I have lost two kids to cancer and am still smiling.” I was horrified but there was no time to say more until we reached our destination. Once in the camp, she came to me. Her daughter whose name was the same as mine and then her son had both died in their youth from a rare kind of cancer. They had been taken to the best doctors in the world but for all the research and money spent, the will of Allah had overpowered. We heard her story and wept. I had forgotten to pray for my daughter since I worry the least for her. However, that was no excuse. I should be fair to all of my kids. The incident filled me with Shukar. How we exaggerate our trials!
We were blessed with our companions on Hajj. They seemed simple and friendly. Though very well off, they were humble. Close to my mattress was a mother and daughter who were managing so well with a baby. They spoke of their joint family lifestyle and how the impartial behavior of their in laws had kept the whole family together. They lived like friends. Then, my immediate neighbor was an elderly lady who kept chiding the young ladies in our camp. They were more interested in chatting idly and planning Hajj parties on return than praying. This lady was the one who insisted on cleaning the dust off the toilet seat for me before I used it inArafat.
At night, my friends had given away their mattresses to other older ladies who found single ones too low. I was resisting. I wanted to sleep on the mattress. However, nearing midnight, I could not refuse a request and gave it up for a lady who could not sleep for the A/C draft on her. My friends were most amused.
Throughout the congregational salat in Haram, the verses on jadal “nor dispute unjustly during the Hajj” (SuratAl- Baqarah, verse 197) were recited repeatedly. I realized the hikmah at the end of the three days of Haj. It was so easy to pick up fights since ones patience has been stretched. A learned scholar among us suggested that if any who feared a transgression they should give Sadqa. In his opinion the cleaners were most deserving. A friend, I may mention here taught me something beautiful. She had sent money to give sacrifice on behalf of Rasool- Allah (SAW) since he had always done so for his Ummah.
There were cleaners in our camp. I have been told that people come from different places, many very well educated, to have the honor of cleaning the Haram and the stations of Hajj. “And remember when we showed Abrahim the site of the (sacred) House (saying) “Associate not anything with Me, and sanctify my house for those who circumambulate it, and those who stand ( in prayer), and those who bow, and make prostration.” Surat Al- Hajj, verse 26. We look down upon cleaners, not realizing this was the privilege of prophet hood. The ladies serving us were complained about but I saw that the minute they finished cleaning, some one would come in and unmindful of their effort litter the toilets.
The refuse in and around the camps tells a harsh reality. With cleanliness at the heart of our religion we are very unclean people. People sat amidst litter, completely oblivious to it, especially women. Women instill essential values in their children. Their deliberate backwardness and illiteracy have undermined the values and strength of the Ummah. They were simply unbothered about the mess they created.
The food was excessive and hence, unnecessary. For the next couple of days, one saw sacks of wasted food discarded all over. One needed simple, nutritious fare but when I suggested this to the organizer, he said that is what the majority wanted. In the following days, the food would arrive late and often be spoilt and unappetizing. Ironically, the meal I remember most with relish is a simple rice and lentil dish made fresh in our camp at the small kitchen, near the entrance. We were coming into the camp one day, when we saw a man asking for cold cans of drinks though the bars of the gate. Though he was ready to pay, he was refused. This was not the spirit of Hajj.
We had to carry our bags - very small ones we had bought for Mina – on our backs. There is always quite a lot of walk involved. I had with me some extra stuff that I did not use. I remember this kettle in particular that I used for steam inhalation - my husband was nursing a bad cold. It was such a pain to carry it along, though not even heavy. It bought home to me the fact that on the Day of Judgment nobody would carry our burdens for us, and more than anything else all that we so happily collect will be left behind.
We walked around on the first night and saw how the people were living. They were on the ground, whole families, unbothered while we had so much more than we needed. It filled us again with Shukar. We had air pillows and sleeping bags, in case we needed them, while here lay people without anything or very little. Learning to adapt and remain focused in the face of challenges was the test during this journey. The word is so inadequate in his explanation of all the connotations of this particular travel for pilgrimage.
I felt the same sense of privilege the next day, as we headed towards Arafat. Allah’s hand is on the jammat (the group). We felt the barkat (blessing) throughout Hajj. We watched out for others, guiding and sharing everything. We were as greedy for reward for ourselves as for each one of our friends. No prayer could be read without sharing, no journey began without one of us reserving the best seats for the others - we were together as one. And no where was this more pronounced than on the day of Arafat.
We were going to this piece of land, barren and uninviting where we would all be collected on the day of Qiyamah. The land, where our first parents were united on earth. Hence, it marked the beginning and the end. It was also where their earnest prayer of forgiveness was granted. There are no rituals to be followed, just quiet moments of contemplation and simple sincerity and honest repentance. The end seemed so real for that brief period of time.
As the coach went along we saw big crowds of people moving. They were all here on the invitation of Allah. Would their Hajj be more beloved to Allah than ours who had all the comforts unknown to them? Their jihad seemed to be more. We descended in an area which was all ready with tents, carpets, lounging mattresses and supports. Juices of all kind, chilled awaited our pleasure. It reminded me of Hazrat Abrahim’s prayer, “My Lord, make this city a place of security and provide its people with fruits, such of them as believe in Allah and the last day” (Surat Al Baqarah, verse 126). It occurred to me that this prayer’s was not for him self but for the succeeding generations. Not for the first time I pondered on the magnificence of the noble Prophet. Though it is actually the way described by Prophet Mohammad, PBUH, that we follow, the inspiration is Hazrat Abrahim. The focused one, the one who used his intellect to search his Rab, the one who fulfilled all his tasks only for his pleasure and how he was honored. Perhaps the one thing that overwhelms me as a woman is the fact that after the ritual of Tawaf, Allah has honored the struggle of a woman, Safa and Marwah speak of the great story of Hajarah, the wife of Prophet Abrahim. Who says a woman is considered inferior in Islam? Here we were a group of four leading our men.
My only regret was that we could not go out to Masjid –e- Nimra to hear the khutba or stand on the Jabal- e- Rahmat. We felt removed. I almost dosed off on the soft mattress, the warm sun and the light breeze too heedy to resist. A lady came by and served us with nuts. It was a beautiful gesture and the snack woke me up. We idled away our time but became more serious as the time of Zawal approached. Others did the same. My friends and I took turns standing and sitting on our prayer mats. Their special double lining of plastic was a blessing. We silently shared written prayers with each other hesitant to break the silence that had descended around us. Each one of us felt close to Allah and prayed in the heart. This simplicity is the beauty of our religion.
It was at some point then that my friend pointed out that one of my teachers from the Islamic university was amidst us. She wanted me to ask her to make a congregational prayer. As a result, we all collected together under the sky, facing Qibla and let her lead us in supplication. A relative of mine had gone on Hajj with a scholar and I had wanted to do the same. I felt a secret wish had been answered. These moments have always filled me with a love of Allah beyond description. They were precious moments marred only by a slight incident. A very sweet lady from the elite group had joined us but she was ruthlessly pulled out by her friends. This was a cult they were heard saying. They sat apart while we all prayed.
Too soon it was all over. The food was served to all – the same feast of camel meat and rice in big platters, as was Arabian tradition. It was from the king of Saudi Arabia. We all sat down in groups to share – the hikmah of the hadith that advises us to eat from what is in front of us dawned on me. One of the elite group was, I heard later displeased with this fare though another one came to sit with us and pray, and yet another taught me a beautiful gesture - she went to every group and shared food with them. She had previously brought smiles to our faces when asking if we knew a special prayer she could read for the recovery of an expensive shawl that she had lost. But that is not a problem. The companions of the Prophet would pray to Allah even for shoe laces.
It was time to leave. We were to say our Maghrib and Isha prayers together. Why, because this is what Rasool- Allah PBUH did. Itba means just this – following in his footsteps. It was an important lesson. Our knowledge is limited. And in following Sunnah we don’t always need to know the reason. his does not mean blind faith but faith in the wisdom of Allah and his guided Prophet (SAW). We had some free time before our departure. So we asked the learned lady to give a short lecture on the numerous marriages of the Prophet. We were told that the Prophet’s marriages were a decision of Allah. They were for political reasons as well as to protect some ladies who had made extreme sacrifices for Islam. They were partners in his mission and taught Islam long after his death.
As we left Arafat it was very late. The roads were empty but the litter was unbelievable. We had come for a moment of intimacy with Allah and left this behind. I had to say, “Forgive us, Allah.”
I slept on the way to Muzdalfah. The calmness constantly overwhelmed me. I tried to control my snoring but could not. That was the test of my friends. My first sight of the place is etched in my mind. It is my most vivid memory of Hajj. I opened my eyes to witness what seemed the scene of the Day of Judgment. I could not make out the forms, only white sheets, hundreds all over the place, on the rocks, on the ground, near, far, everywhere. It was eerie, as though corpses had come alive! The vision still makes me shudder. It was so real. The Hajj takes man back to his origin and the truth of his existence. And it brings a complete transformation. The trials of the journey are in themselves the process of tazkiya. Hence the re-birth and hence the Muslim new year that follows a couple of weeks later.
We stayed here, under the open sky. Such was the love of the Prophet (PBUH) for his Ummah that he forbade them to stay awake that night. Sleeping is ajar on this night since it is the following of Sunnah. Again it exhibits the wust and husn of our way of life. There was a debate over the stones for Rami the next day. It turned out that they had to be collected from here. I heard a very funny story on my return. Another Hajji informed us that he had been advised to wash and clean the stones and then to hit them. I had often wondered about the significance of Rami and it all came together at Hajj. This Manasik of Hajj is in memory of the stones that Abrahim threw at Satan when he came to bar him from sacrificing his son. The act is a show of defiance to Satan and all taghuti forces that try to hinder us from being obedient to Allah. It is the shedding of the love of the calf, symbolic of the love of ghair- Allah, the many temptations of our life. After the day of Arafat when we had begged for His forgiveness, renewed our faith and pledged to live as Muslims henceforth, this ritual symbolizes the hijrah from evil to good. It is the outward manifestation of a spiritual cleansing. Ironically, people often get carried away – the serious malady of the Muslims today - and stay at the very beginning of the wall marking the site to cast their stones. This causes crowding and the stones often do not make it to the target and injure fellow humans. There was no way I was going to hit anyone. My husband was furious that I did not join them and in moving on was coveting danger. Nevertheless, I moved on. The way cleared as not many people had been patient and I aimed comfortably at the wall. This was a little success for me in more ways than one. For whatever reason, I crave my husbands favor in practicing my faith and when not getting it stop myself. I do not want to go that far that he cannot catch up. This time I had put my duty to my Allah first and had succeeded. The next day my husband followed me on without a word.
Having shed off the burden, we then, headed towards Mecca. I have had many uneasy years where I fretted for peace and calm within me. I have sought many a refuge to assuage this hunger within. But at this moment I felt only new and complete. We returned to Haram to do our tawaf-e- ziarah, an important ritual of the Hajj and then were allowed to shed off our Ahrams. It seemed we had without knowing chosen our times well, having beaten the traffic. We decided to eat at this simple corner stall serving Pakistani food. Here we found a couple with whom we shared our table. The gentlemen had lost money in business and gone to the Middle East in search of work. Though fairly simple they had realized the need to highly educate their kids. These simple interactions inculcated fellow feeling and thus, gave Hajj its meaning.
It was getting late and we had still to go back to Mina. We requested taxis but they seemed reluctant. We realized why when we neared the main road link. It was blocked. The only way to go was walking. Since we had left early that morning, we had found a taxi but now there was only one way. We were tired, it had been a long day but we went on. We traversed through groups of people, uncomfortable at the intimacy it created. Finally after an hour’s walk or less, we reached our camp and slept. The next day we again did Rami and some of us stayed that day at the camp. It was in a sense unfair to crowd roads without any reason.
I went to see my teacher in her camp and spent some time receiving instruction from her. I was looking for material for my English friends who had wanted to know more about Hajj. We decided to venture outside the camp and search for some literature on the subject but came up with little result. I would have given up but she would not. This tenacity was the difference between me and her, I realized. Then, some one pointed us to Masjid khaif. I followed her, nauseated by the food dumps and people living within them, totally unmindful. We walked around to the ladies section and after some attempt managed to go inside. Ladies were living here and obviously very reluctant to leave their space. We found a tiny spot and I prayed here. I finished quickly anxious to leave since the overcrowding and the mess bothered me but my teacher took a while. Finally we came out. It was then that she told me the importance of this mosque. She had wanted to pray here since it is said that many Prophets of Allah have prayed here and some even claim that Prophet Abraham is buried here. I wished I had concentrated more on my prayers – as usual!
We returned to our camp. The rest of the day went by in ease. The next morning we planned to go to Jamarat for the last day of Rami and then leave for Mecca. There was no room for private vehicle, either we could walk back or take the Public bus. As we were leaving, lest we did not meet them again, we said goodbye to some of our friends from the camp. One of them said that our going before the time of Zawal as is Sunnah was not correct. We pointed out that the Ulema had given fatwa that it was okay to do Rami at any time of the day, considering the number of pilgrims in our times. At the time of the Prophet they argued, there were less pilgrims. But this lady closed the floor with saying that they had come so far away and they would do everything at “afzaal” time. We were not going to argue but ijtihad is the wust of deen and when one does not consider it fatal errors can take place as did that day. We left. It was easy for us. We left on Saftco public buses. This was a bit of an ordeal but once we were in, it took a few minutes. We had left our luggage behind. The need for meager provision, actually bare essentials, is a recurrent lesson in Hajj. We reached Haram and after changing went straight to discharge the final rites of Tawaf-e- Vidah. It was easy enough to begin with but as we progressed it became more and more difficult. We were on the roof and it was packed. We moved at snail pace but finally did it. This was the one real tough time in Hajj for us. If one takes things in stride, then one does not get too worried. A little emergency package of food and essentials at hand, a little foresight and preplanning can avoid discomfort. When it is un - avoidable, one must go with the pace and it becomes easier. It is all in the mind. This is why Hajj was compared with jihad for women.
It was over. We had done Hajj. It had been beautiful. No words could describe the moment.
However, our excitement was short lived. News began to pour in of the stampede at Rami. All the Hajj’s wanted to leave after they had performed the rites and many had stayed for the afzaal time of Zawal. There were big billboards everywhere warning people not to litter and refrain from carrying luggage but many did not pay heed. Even in the morning, we saw pilgrims with trailing luggage. They had to leave it before the barrier on the way to Jamarat. The unattended, hastily strewn luggage was an ideal tripping ground for the huge crowd and it just takes a couple to fall to begin a chain disaster. Very small back packs with essentials is sufficient for the stay at Mina. This slight oversight and not heeding laws led to the death of many and bad publicity all over the world. The laws are to make our life easy but as Muslims we think of them as an encumbrance. We love to defy them.
The next day we left for Medina. I always feel very sad leaving Mecca. Kaaba is everything for me. Medina does not hold the same attraction and I asked myself why. I realized that maybe my reverence of the Prophet was not as great as it should be. I decided then that I must inform myself better on his life and Hadith. It also told me why my amal was weak since it was not based on his Sunnah.
A friend of mine and her mother – in-law had prayed a lot for me when I was looking to buy a house in Islamabad. I had always felt that I had never really shown my gratitude for their thoughtfulness. Here in Medina we all met accidentally. I went with them to pay our respects at the Roza of the Prophet (SAW).
There, I was shocked to see how the women were behaving. They were constantly being reminded to control themselves. They were pushy and noisy. It brought home to me the injunction of the Koran to lower our voices in the presence of the Prophet (SAW). Though he is no longer with us, I presume that honor is merited especially, on his grave. When we finally neared the Roza, the mob did not allow us space. I helped to clear space and keep some people at bay so that my friend and her mother in- law could pray. In that instant I was aware of the intricate planning of my Allah. He had known my intention.
We left Medina with huge baggage a couple of days later which caused us much delay. Loading was an issue. We waited in the buses, eager to leave since the journey is for some hours. This delay was unnecessary. Passenger ladies, totally unmindful of the inconvenience, informed us that they had a great tradition of giving on return from Hajj. They had not only been shopping for gifts but also bought, packed and left so many at home. It reminded me of a humble salesman in Islamabad who had advised me not to waste time shopping when in Haram since what was in Mecca and Madinah was not to be found any where else. We had bought small tokens for immediate family, lots of dates and water for everyone else who came to see us. Prayers were our gift to everyone.
This tradition of gifts was to become the bane of our journey back home. We reached the airport and were unable to find trolleys. We had light stuff so it was not a problem but others had loads. Luckily, we found a huge luggage trolley which driven by the official staff took it to a certain point. Beyond that it had to be carried. I felt sorry for the husbands. We stood in the line and the luggage was everywhere, a nuisance to push as people cleared check in.
At this time, a very unpleasant incident took place. A Pakistani gentleman started to cut the line, everyone reprimanded him but he would not move. The official got upset with him and refused to open a second counter till he cleared off. He did not budge. My husband intervened and there was an unpleasant encounter. At this point, I also said something but a beloved friend let out a warning. I stopped and realized my mistake. This was jadal and forbidden. The man cleared away, I can’t remember how since I was overcome with shame.
Then another couple created unpleasantness. They had lots of luggage. The husband stood on the counter while the wife silently carried bags to him. They were unwilling to pay overweight and seeking favors by requesting adjustment in other’s luggage allowance. All the while the mother was watching over the baggage in the rear. When it dawned on us what was happening, a serious argument broke out between them and another pilgrim. But for the luggage or the un – planning that prevailed at the departure area, our flight got delayed. There were no announcements and we sat outside the entrance door for some hours, wondering when our increasing discomfort would come to an end.
Finally, once inside I decided to say something to the Saudi official. If Dubai airport with all its traffic can be managed, why was planning so difficult in Jeddah? My friends told me not to say anything since we were guests of Allah and must not complain. I agreed but I was also sure of one thing. I was not going to argue but put a suggestion forward. This was not jadal but
Amr-bin-Maruf. I had witnessed this before on our visit for Umrah. It had been chaotic. I spoke politely to the gentleman and he was most courteous. I told him that my Hajj had been perfect but for the chaos at the airport which could have been avoided with a little foresight. He asked if he apologized would it be okay. I said only if my comments were taken seriously and the system improved would I feel satisfied. He promised to try. We left soon afterward with a strong conviction and extreme gratitude.
One my return to Romania couple of weeks later, I chanced to come across a personal narrative on the experiences of Hajj by Richard. F. Burton. I eagerly skimmed the two part volume to seek similar sentiments but except for factual evidence, felt it was deprived of all spiritual understanding. Intrigued, I read up on him only to discover he was not a Muslim convert as I had thought initially, but by an imposter who had forced his way in to witness Hajj. I knew then that I had to write about my experiences. My niece, May Allah grant her all her wishes and more, gave me a beautiful diary to pen my reflections. The first draft was written in it. The subject is vast and I cannot claim to fathom it all. I don’t deceive my self into believing that it is more than insignificant. However, these are a few impressions that I would like to share with others, hoping it might benefit them. I seek nothing beyond the fulfillment of a promise and the favor of my Rab.
